The 12 things holding you back from your success!

During all the years I’ve spent coaching others, I’ve noticed that there are patterns in what we all do, myself included, that hold us back from success. Here are the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

1. Comparing yourself to others.

Whether it’s starting a business or learning a new skill, you will look at others who are much further down the road from you and expect your results to be similar to theirs, today, now.

But you don’t see the struggle, the mistakes and the hundreds of side steps they’ve made in order to get the results they have. Conversely, with the proliferation of social media you rarely see the unglamourous parts and you assume that these have never occurred. Then when you compare you feel inadequate, incapable and discouraged.

Shift your focus instead to where you are today compared to yesterday to get a more accurate picture of the progress you’re making.

2. Asking yourself the wrong questions.

When you have that inner dialogue, you spend your time and energy wondering “if” — if what you’re doing is possible, if you’re good enough, if it’s the right thing to do, if it’s what so and so would do. — If, if,if!

These questions serve no more purpose than sucking all the energy and motivation out of you. Change your questions to the 5 major general Who, How, Why, What and When! “How will I make this happen?” “What’s the first step?” “Who can help me with this?” Spend your energy finding answers that will help you move closer to your success.

3. You wait for external permission.

By that I mean you wait for someone to approve of what you’re doing. I get it we all want to keep those we love happy, we tell ourselves their approval means we’re doing the right thing. What we’re doing will make them happy. But while you’re waiting for that permission permit — you end up stuck and paralyzed by an offhand comment, or an unenthusiastic reaction. I’ll always remember the pained expression on my Boss’s face while telling me, “What are you going to do without steady income? The door will always be open here if you want to come back.” Damn, that really hurt, but if had I listened, I’d be stuck in a job that slowly draining all my joy, living a life that was just wasn’t me.

YOU know what’s best for you. Trust your gut and your heart, live by YOUR standards, and you’re much more likely to create a life that makes you happy.

4. Waiting for when the time is “right”.

You keep putting something off because it’s not the time’s not “right”. You need to make a few more changes, get more experience, learn a few more skills, save more money, wait for the economy to improve, yada, yada — the mythical sign that tells you it’s the right time to start. Newsflash — this is just your mind playing delay tactics and winning.

The only right time is now. It’s only by starting that’ll you discover what else needs to be done or improved, or learned etc., not before.

5. You expect Abracadabra i.e. instant results.

“What?!” your head tells you. “You’ve put so much time and effort into this and no one has noticed?!! What a waste of time, you might as well stop now.” I so remember thinking this when I launched my first podcast episode and the only people who had listened to it was me and my husband. As the days rolled by my podcasting career threatened to stop just as quickly as it started, but now I’ve recorded over 100 episodes, downloaded in almost 80 countries (This Woman Can, available on ITunes and major podcast platforms).

So the key here is to be patient, be persistent, stay focused and give yourself a realistic timeframe to attain the results you want.

6. You don’t take action.

You make lots of lists and create beautiful plans. You review and re-write those plans, you use the latest app to capture them a second time. You talk about your plans, you visualize your plans, you criticize your plans, you develop analysis paralysis. You do everything but actually act on them or do something.

Your first step, no matter how imperfect it may be, will be far more useful to you than all the plans you can create. Your first step is that important catalyst and might actually change all the plans you made in the first place, so spend the majority most of your time on action, not planning — you can do that along the way, if you want to get somewhere.

7. You’re fake busy.

Oh lovely, lovely procrastination! When I think about the hours I’ve spent redesigning my website, researching other sites, playing with new programs all in the name of research. Anything to avoid the tasks I felt were uncomfortable — I was brilliant at being busy doing nothing.

If you know you’re doing the same, take a step back and ask yourself where your actions are leading to. If they’re not leading to tangible results, then you know you need to be spending your time doing something else.

8. The loudest voices are everyone else’s.

I know it’s scary and you’re new at this so quite rightly you seek advice. The world, the internet, your friends, your family all have an opinion on the subject. You obediently sit and listen. You assume is an expert and therefore everyone knows what they’re talking about, they have advice that you have to follow or else you’re going to fail miserably. The challenge is you listen to everyone but yourself and the advice you’re listening to is taking you in so many different directions that you’re paralyzed. Now’s it’s ok to read and learn, but take time to listen to your gut and what your instinct is telling you.

Trust that you will find your own best way of doing things and that actions you decide upon will be just right for you.

9. You assume talent and not persistence is the secret to success.

“If I had any talent, this would be much easier. I’m not cut out for this.” When you start your project, you discover it’s a lot harder to get where you want. You interpret this to mean that you’re deficient in some area, maybe you’re punching above your weight and should try to something easier maybe not have such lofty goals. Bullsh*t! Don’t drink the kool aid or buy into this mindset. If you keep going it will get easier I promise. My husband and I have just started dance lessons and the first weeks was like “ Tarl, what am I trying to? I can’t learn these steps, maybe I should stick to what I know “two-step and whining” but we persevered and now we’ve agreed to participate in demonstration dances and taking exams — the key?

Perseverance! Anything you do will get easier the more you do it. Persistence and not talent is the secret to success, so stick to it, keep working at it and eventually you’ll find yourself winning.

10. You’re inflexible.

And I don’t mean trying to touch your toes. You’ve got your plan, you’ve worked hard on your plan and nothing is going make you deviate from it no matter what. You assume the only way you can succeed is to steadfastly stick to your plan. But the beauty with a plan, is that it can change. This is why you build in reviews, check ins or assessments. If something’s not working you have the prerogative to change it — it’s your plan! It doesn’t matter how you get there — you’ve just got to get there. I can guess that quite a few of you have the goal of losing weight or getting fit — me too. In years gone by, I would have signed up for a gym membership, started going to the gym, fallen out of love with the gym, then stopped going to the gym and then beat myself up for not losing weight or getting fit assuming the only way was the gym. Fast forward and I discovered my love for running and cycling, both of which still cost me a little (I admit I’m running/cycling snob) but my end goal of weight loss and fitness has been attained and I enjoy it. The goal is still there but my tactics have changed. What’s your proverbial unvisited gym? And what could you exchange it with?

11. Its just Me, Myself and I

You have to do it all by yourself. In your opinion, asking for help is a sign of weakness, or maybe it doesn’t occur to you that you could even reach out to others. You want to do this on your own and you’re not asking anybody for anything, no way. Wow, why are you making it so hard for yourself? For me knowing and owning your weaknesses is an immense sign of strength and you become a far stronger person when you have support. Too many times we walk around believing we’re only ones who help ourselves when really it’s far easier if we learn from someone who has already done it or can support what we’re trying to do. So STOP right now. List 3 things you’re struggling with right now. Next to each point, write down at least one person you know who’s experienced something similar. Write one question you would love to ask that person. Now reach out and ask.

12. You don’t know when to let go.

You’ve repeatedly tried your best, you’ve changed strategies a hundred times, you’ve worked endless hours on this project for the last few months, yet you’re not seeing the results you were hoping for. So you work harder and faster hoping that somehow, someday, you will get there. That project has now become a looming cloud following you wherever you go. Any excitement or joy you felt about working on it has been sucked out of you. But you’ve invested so much time and energy into it that you can’t let it go. Let’s reframe this, how do you feel about spending the next 12 months working on the same project knowing what you know now? If you had to let it go, what else could you do with your time? We all know someone who won’t let go of something and you can see that it’s more damaging to them than a benefit — maybe it’s happening to you right now. Listen when I tell you, sometimes it’s OK to let go.

Janice Sutherland is an award winning women’s leadership expert and founder of This Woman Can an online community for professional women. She provides coaching and training specializing in helping women and organizations build leadership skills through Executive Mentorship, Leadership Training and Executive Team Facilitation for both corporate executives and entrepreneurs globally. She is a sought after keynote presenter for corporate and nonprofit environments and speaks on issues relating to leadership, women’s advancement, professional success and work/life alignment. For more details, visit www.janicesutherland.com